So I’m writing about something Cane wrote again.
The beginning is key.
“Rol (not sure of his name) and I met in college: We dated, and–we did everything fast–we got married, and–right out of college–we, um, tsk! had babies–” [he’s quoting a video Dalrock posted]
At that point, the audio is edited. The smart money says what was edited out was her a continued expression of surprise, dismay, and dissatisfaction that a wedding led to marriage and children.
What’s damning about the video’s producers is that they know where the smart money is too, and they followed it just…long…enough…to get intuitive listeners to empathize without thinking about it too clearly; without saying outloud that while they love weddings, they too are dismayed with marriage and children.
The attitude Cane describes seems to be distressingly common. In fact, most women I talk to seem to regard having a wedding as far more important than being married. In my mind, that’s kind of like saying that getting baptized is more important than believing in Jesus Christ. It also seems patently wrong that we spend exponentially more money celebrating the public commitment of two humans to each other than we do celebrating the commitment of a human to God. I attended a wedding recently that could not have possibly cost less than $100,000. I know others that were engaged for over a year in order to “save enough money for a proper wedding.”
It blows my mind.
How can say you “can’t afford to have kids” when you blew thousands of dollars on a ridiculously impractical piece of clothing you never intend to wear again? Why is a dress considered more important than a child? How much more fucked up can your priorities be? And yet what Cane wrote rings true–the condition of being married seems largely viewed by women as necessary evil that sadly accompanies the great good of the “perfect wedding.”
(Please, tell me I’m wrong. Prove me wrong. I want to be wrong–but I know what I see.)
And what the heck is a “perfect wedding” anyhow? The point of a wedding is to join two people in marriage. How can any wedding that accomplishes that end be considered lacking? I’ve never been to a wedding where the couple ended up only halfway married afterwords.
Call me simplistic, but I still think a marriage is fundamentally more important than the celebration of the ceremony which initiates it.